Keepsakes: Kiko Bordeos And Alexis Gallo Apr 3 at 5:00 PM  | Rsa Projects Gallery | Free [ more ] abstract paintings by two brooklyn transplants. they say it captures moments in time. i say it's an excuse to stand still in a print studio.

Jen Berry: Points Of Flight Apr 3 at 6:00 PM | Gagallery | Free [ more ] luminous mechanized sculptures tackling terror and joy. use your tiny emotions to rise above the cold dark.

Ever True Tattoo Presents Love Show Apr 4 at 12:00 PM | See See | Free [ more ] an art show raising funds for domestic abuse survivors. twenty-nine artists, local djs, and heavy drinks.

Container, Trigger Object Apr 5 at 8:00 PM | Wyrd Hut | $22.85 - $28.55 [ more ] abrasive noise and heavy electronics. earplugs are not optional unless you want permanent damage.

I'm Not Asleep, I'm Just Doing High Level Math Apr 10 at 8:00 PM | Disjecta | $15 [ more ] a solo show linking higher math with human consciousness. probably too smart for you, but go anyway.

Ecstatic Dance Portland Apr 8 at 7:00 PM | The Den | $20+ [ more ] shoes off, no talking, just relentless movement. surrender your tiny ego to the bass.

23lectro Meaux Apr 10 at 9:00 PM | Sonder Listening Bar | $10 [ more ] east coast underground beats in a listening bar. pure sonic frequencies to vibrate your tiny bones.

Ragnarok: A Night Carnival Of Fate Apr 12 at 7:00 PM | Star Theater | $30-$162 [ more ] electronic beats meet dark cabaret. the world is ending, so you might as well dress up and drink themed cocktails.

Breakfast On The Bridges Apr 3 at 7:00 AM | Flanders Crossing Bridge | Free [ more ] [ ~ outdoors ~ ] volunteers handing out free coffee to cyclists on a bridge. pure mutual aid before the sun fully commits.

Portland Makes A Big Noise For DJ Dan Apr 4 at 12:00 PM | Tom McCall Waterfront Park | Free [ Just Go Down There ] [ ~ outdoors ~ ] a massive outdoor tribute to an ascended legend. show up and make some noise so loud i can hear it in the clouds.

9th Annual Maialata Apr 11 at 11:00 AM | Cana's Feast Winery | $500+ [ more ] [ ~ outdoors ~ ] five chefs showing you how to butcher and cook a pig. aggressive, expensive, and heavily wine-soaked.

Radical Harvest Makers Market & Clothing / Craft Swap Apr 11 at 12:00 PM | Allgood Brewing Co | Free [ more ] [ + all ages ] over forty vendors and a massive swap pile. bring your unwanted fabrics and leave with someone else's.

Offbeat Luxury Travel X Forget Me Not Florals Apr 11 at 3:00 PM | Forget Me Not Florals | $45-$60 [ more ] arrange some flowers, drink wine, and get waxed. a chaotic combination of activities that i fully respect.

Whimsy Woods Apr 11 at 8:00 PM | The Secret Forrest | $10 [ more ] [ ~ outdoors ~ ] an outdoor party in a literal secret forest. wear boots, tinies. the ground is unforgiving.

Mundane Astrology, unlike your individual horoscope,  is the Astrology affecting All of Us. It is written for We as a society, not the I, that is you.    Mundane Astrology can predict the collapse of empires and kings.  It acknowledges when we have moved into a new era, and when we are in need of new leadership, ideas, and energy.  It is the study of historical events with the patterns of their planetary alignments.  This 2026,  on April 12th, Mars conjoins Neptune.   Two planets are said to be conjoined when they appear very close together in the night sky.  They may even appear as one particularly bright point in the sky when alignment is perfect from where your two feet stand on Earth.  Mars represents aggression and war which we have already been painfully experiencing.   Neptune represents the mystical and intangible.   Neptune is deeply tied to the dual nature of water for its ability to both heal and overwhelm.  Neptune brings delusion, confusion, and deception about world wars and conflicts while it also represents the soul’s yearning to connect with divine power.   The people’s desire to end this war and pursue a more peaceful, spiritual existence is high and the demand for peace is expanding.   

This desire to live in love and harmony with one another is further supported by Venus entering Taurus on April 13th.   Venus in Taurus feels decadently sensual, while also helping us feel grounded and caring toward ourselves and others.  When Venus is in Taurus you may feel like you are living in a Machiavellian painting eating grapes with your bosom out.  How did your life get so deliciously erotic and how can you keep it this way?   If you live where you are insulated from the death and destruction of war, it will likely seem absurd to you that inhumane world leaders are oppressing others from the sweet indulgence they too should be savoring.  Jupiter in Cancer on April 12th expands and supports our collective emotional intelligence and brings about abundance through care of our communities.   The people are loving and providing for each other despite the actions of our reckless violent governments.  

Mars conjoins Saturn on April 19th.  Saturn is the planet of discipline.  Saturn’s energy is cold and restricting.   Mars is hot and impulsive.    These two planets being aligned feels like we are driving the car with the gas slammed to the ground at the same time the brakes are on.  We are skidding forward collectively with the war while doing every small thing in our personal lives to stop it.  On April 20th, Mercury, the planet of communication, conjoins Saturn and Mars in Aries (the God of War.).  There will likely be talks among world leaders about ending war.   People are pleading for responsibility.   Leaders who do not listen to their people can only rule temporarily.    Keep speaking for peace.   Take care of your neighbors.  

On April 25th Venus enters Gemini and negotiations should get more light-hearted.   It is easier to understand complicated situations and respect alternate viewpoints.    On April 29th, Venus squares the lunar nodes of Pisces and Virgo.  Lunar nodes are mathematical points in space where the Moon’s orbit crosses the Earth’s path around the Sun.  We are feeling emotional and dreaming of a better life.   I do not predict that our world leaders will have listened to the people and fully ended these needless wars, but they may take a brief pause.   We end the month in contemplation of happier possibilities.   We feel great sadness and love for the world around us.   We collectively feel great sadness about the terrible actions of our leaders bringing unnecessary death to our brothers and sisters across the world.    

My name is Svetlana Trantastic but you can call me “Aunt Svetty.”   Lucky for you, your Aunt Svetty can predict the future.   It will be a roller coaster of a month this April with big sexy feelings and joy as well as sadness, grief, and guilt about the terrible and unnecessary war brought on by the terrible humans currently in power.   Do what you can to bring peace to yourself and those around you.   Thank you for reading and please look out for this column next month and every month.   We are in this together.